Who will marry me?
Who will marry me?
By Mirela Sula
I don’t know about you but when I was a young girl, I was brought up with the “anxiety” that the most important thing that I should worry about is how to find a man and make sure I get married as soon as possible. Because in my culture, if you hit a certain age (and you are a woman) then you become a “charity case” and you feel that if a man decides to marry you, he is making you a favour. This is probably why I ended up being engaged at the age of seventeen and married at nineteen.
In my mind was nailed the idea that a woman has a worth only if she has a man in her side. I was hearing all the time in my mind the voice of my mother, “Behave, and be a good girl, otherwise who is going to marry you? You need a man in your life to survive in this world”. The whole of society was putting pressure all the time on young women to take decisions and get married in their early twenties, otherwise they would feel left aside, like assets that nobody wanted to buy anymore.
I am afraid that in some areas of my culture, and many other cultures, this pressure is still present. Even now, when more and more women are fighting for inner empowerment and wakening up many other women to realise that the most important thing for us is not finding a man, but firstly finding yourself, cultivating the self love and feeling the worth, the value that we have as women.
When I published the book “Don’t Let Your Mind Go” which became a best-seller in my country overnight, there was one chapter that attracted the attention of hundreds of women who started texting me and contacting me, to show how much that chapter had influenced them. Guess what was all it about? LOVE!
And here is the highlighted sentence “Those who are able to leave a harmful relationship, to move out from a difficult situation and separate from an abusive partner, commit an act of love for themselves”. Having worked for many years with women who have been survivors of domestic violence, it makes me feel even stronger that the time has come when women should not have that pressure anymore. And please don’t take me wrong, I definitely believe my mother was right. A woman may need a man (and the vice versa) but my mother missed a very important fact: It’s not just about finding a man, but to marry the right one.
Those who are able to leave a harmful relationship, to move out from a difficult situation and separate from an abusive partner, commit an act of love for themselves”.
This is what struck with me, when I read an article yesterday “Why the secret to your success is who you marry”. This is what my mother forgot to tell me.
According to a study published by Carnegie Mellon University, 163 married couples were interviewed and the research discovered that “people with supportive spouses were more likely to take on potentially rewarding challenges. Those who accepted challenges experienced more personal growth, happiness and psychological well-being just a few months late”
While I was reading it I also thought to translate it and send it to my mother, so she can finally understand that “A woman may need a man, not just to survive, but to thrive”. While I was reading this article, I also thought about my new book that I am actually writing “Rich mama, poor mama”.
Let me leave you with two lessons that I learned from my mamas:
My “poor mama” – Now that you got divorced I feel so worried about you – you are so old, who is going to marry you again?
My “rich mama” – Don’t be the woman who needs a man – Be the woman who the man needs.
Which one would you choose?
*Mirela Sula is the Founder of Global Woman and author of the books “Don’t Let Your Mind Go” “Don’t Let Your Love Go”. Coming soon “Who Will Marry Me” “Rich Mama, Poor Mama”, and “The Light of the Dark Zone”. Mirela is passionate about empowering women worldwide and always stands up for inclusion, diversity, gender balance and supporting the next generation. Her mission is to create a global movement to improve the future for women, by economically empowering each woman.