Resilience – Refined by Fire

By Kate Stapleton

I’ve been a bit quiet recently… members of Global Woman Club may know I have been out of action with an MS relapse, the symptoms necessitation a hospital infusion and bed rest for 18 hours a day at least. I have barely had the energy to eat, let alone write, I am happy to report that I have had some energy return, but the downside is that I have been forced to rely on a wheelchair all over again.

The miracle wasn’t coming

Yet I remain upbeat, cheerful and still as driven as if by the force of an 800 horsepower Ferrari. Never mind that the Kundalini awakening I had led me to believe wheelchairs were a thing of the past. Never mind that I had plans and projects on the go, as well as caring responsibilities for my severely disabled Mum. Never mind that I had a life, and could just get in my car and drive anywhere whenever I wanted, with no thought needed about how I was going to actually walk when I got there. I admit I had my “moments”, and thought to myself “Come on God, this is no joke, I kinda need another miracle here” – the miracle wasn’t coming and it was down to me to adapt.

Now I am nothing if not resilient. Having overcome challenges like trauma, addiction and undiagnosed ADHD all my life, I had developed untapped reserves, and a backside made from rubber – when I landed on it, I would always bounce straight back up. This led me to questioning exactly what contributed to my resilience and why I was so doggedly determined to keep going in the face of crazy levels of adversity – what made me so persistent, and more importantly, could others learn from it?

The inspiration of a lifetime

The ensuing brainstorm led to me having the most significant inspiration of my life, a resilience framework I called ERA – Executive Resilience Architecture. This framework consists of four pillars, and embodiment of the values, mindset and skills contained in each one will help develop resilience in individuals that are willing to learn. These four pillars represent my own journey, and the further I investigate the psychology behind ERA, the more I realise they are grounded in existing research and have academic credibility. The very fact that ERA was born from lived experience of some of the most horrific happenings anyone could encounter means it has already been refined by fire, and it is now my absolute privilege to disseminate it to all.

Grounded in research

And in terms of the academic side? I had a chance meeting with a lecturer from the Open University which set off a serendipitous chain of events linked to some from my past. I have since enrolled on a Masters degree in psychology, having started one in 2022 but ended up forced to quit because of my health. I have aspirations of a PhD, a dream I have carried for nearly 20 years, and ERA represents an original piece of work that I can quite happily turn into a thesis – this is sheer resilience in action. Haven’t got the use of my legs? No matter, I can think and type, I can read and reflect, I have Zoom – I can create a future for myself just as fulfilling as if I were still going for beach walks with my dog, and using the pendulum squat in the gym. 

A new coaching methodology

And what of my work? ERA in turn led to the creation of Stapleton Coaching. I aim to work with anyone who is battling adversity and needs help. It is for people who are holding it together on the surface but crumbling inside, no matter their job title or resources. It is for those who cannot see an exit strategy for their current situation, and for those interrupted by their rising panic at 3am. I have confronted my demons, qualified as a coach, dealt with a few more demons then had inspiration from an event that could easily have tipped me into depression and apathy – I am well placed to meet others where they are in their journeys and walk alongside them as they navigate dark times. This is translated into a resilience coaching framework that is based on ERA and that I am now offering to individuals and teams.

And if you are experiencing your own challenges? My best advice is to use two words that I asked myself at each crisis in my life – not “why me”, but “what now?”©. Marshal your resources and deal with what you can achieve rather than focus on what is lost to you. Do a SWOT analysis and a Johari window, use whatever tools you can to get a clear, factual picture of your current circumstances. And most of all? Don’t be afraid to reach out to others for support. Sometimes, the way forward will emerge from the unlikeliest of places, so stay committed and connected, your breakthrough may be closer than you think.

For information on resilience coaching, contact Kate on info@stapletoncoaching.com. Website coming soon!