Fresh Starts and Reinvention – Laundry for the Soul
By Kate Stapleton
The saying “once you hit rock bottom, the only way is up” is not strictly true in my experience. There is always another layer below, always a greater depth of despair to encounter – the true rock bottom has no coming back. It was facing the very real possibility of taking my own life that made me realise I had to take action, had to do SOMETHING to overcome the addiction that wasn’t just dominating my life, it had made me its slave. Yes, I had protective factors – my long suffering family, the son I adored but bickered with, and my beloved dog – but suddenly facing the knowledge that death was a perfectly feasible option to escape the torment I lived with was more than a jolt. It was the electric shock I needed to catapult me into action.
Clean and sober for four years
My name is Kate and I am an addict. I celebrated four years clean and sober back in February 2026, and my ability to turn the ship around and start over has meant I have gone from sleeping on a mattress in the front room, surrounded by drained bottles of spiced rum and empty ziplock bags dusted with white powder, to being a Mum who is present for her son and family, and no longer holds spiralling shame and self hatred for who she was. This profound shift occurred through a spiritual recovery program, and it is my absolute privilege to share with you some of the lessons I have learned along the way.
Firstly, know yourself. Carry out an inventory of your fears, your resentments, your secret shame, all the shadow work that needs bringing out into the open. I suggest a good counsellor or coach as a companion in this journey – in my case, I had a forthright but very loving sponsor who guided me through this gut wrenching (at times) task. Examine where you might be wrong in your resentments and see the other person’s perspective – then apologise for your part in any disagreement. Trust me, it feels amazing to clear up bad feelings, it is like a dark cloud lifting when you hadn’t even realised it was there. Being able to move forward with a clean slate in all your relationships gives you mental freedom, emotional balance and a sense of wellbeing on a spiritual and relational level.
The poison of fear
Fear is the most primal of emotions. Hard wired into our brains, fear kept our ancestors alive, and now it spreads through our lives like rot seeping through wood. It is a different kind of fear – no longer the fear of wild animals or of not finding food, our fear manifests as anxiety, chronic stress, insecurity and low self esteem. During my recovery, I wrote down everything I was afraid of, from losing my son and my dog, to being street homeless, to the fear instilled in me during my years as a DA victim. My sponsor gently unpicked these fears with me, and I was able to see where the irrationality of some of them came from – and then took action to rewire my brain to dispel those, through affirmations and continued support. For you this may look like therapy, journalling, or talking to a trusted friend. The point of this is to get the fear out in the open, as voicing it removes a significant amount of its power. Just admitting that you are afraid, to another human being, provides inner strength that in me was largely unexpected and highly welcome.
Stepping into the light
With these two shadows exposed to daylight, I was free to step into the new version of me. I felt fresh and clean, as if my soul had been put through the wash and was now hanging on the line in a beautifully tended garden. We cannot reinvent ourselves if we are clinging onto the past, harbouring grudges and masking fear with anger. To sit in the depth of these feelings takes up mental space that can be filled with the new you, the attributes you want to embody and the changes you want to make. The old self, the old ego, makes room for the new version of you and sheds the aspects that generate negative feelings within you, and this form of rebirth can be profound. It is one of the cornerstones of my recovery, and is an ongoing process that keeps me in a fit emotional and spiritual condition – I strongly encourage you to consider going through this process and stepping into the lighter, freer version of you.
