I would be grateful for your advice related with a concern I have with my husband. I am originally from Brazil and have been married with my French husband for 12 years and we have two children together. (We have both been living in England for more than 15 years). Our life together has been good with some ups and downs but I always believed that he is very loyal. One day I invited a friend of mine to the house (I don’t do it very often) and I saw him behaving very strangely. He was trying to show off in front of her. It was obvious that he was trying to allure her. And very sad to say but she was responding to his behaviour as well.
Anyway, I just tried to manage the situation and let it go. After a few days I saw that they became friends on Facebook and he started to give likes to her pictures. For that I could not resist without checking his inbox and I found they were communicating together. I asked him to discuss with me about it and he tried to convince me that there is nothing to worry about. He didn’t tell me that they were communicating together. I have always trusted him, and never imagined myself becoming jealous, but something is happening here and I am feeling that I don’t trust him anymore. What should I do? Silvia
If your husband has nothing to hide he should give you his Facebook password
You are right to be concerned about your husband’s online friendship. Unfortunately Facebook is increasingly being mentioned when couples are filing for divorce.
Facebook is a temptation. But nevertheless that does not mean your husband has been disloyal – or considers himself to be disloyal. Many people are Facebook fanatics and spend a huge amount of time online. You can easily check what your friend is posting and what her shares and likes are. If she posts frequently and openly, it may all be harmless. Additionally, only the sender ever really knows what they are trying to communicate.
You in turn can post the occasional picture of you and your husband enjoying yourselves together. Only ever post positively about each other.
If your husband respects you, he will not want to do anything that would cause you distress.
However, as you are unsure if you can now trust your friend, tell your husband that the idea of them communicating in this way makes you feel uncomfortable and you would like him to stop. Do not accuse him of anything. Simply speak pleasantly and directly. If your husband respects you, he will not want to do anything that would cause you distress.
Suggest to your husband that you both swap passwords for all your online and mobile communications. If your husband has nothing to hide he should give you his Facebook password. Married couples should have full access to each other’s online details as a precaution in any event.
Married couples should have full access to each other’s online details as a precaution in any event.
This does not mean that either of you should look at each other’s emails and texts. You should still continue to observe strict privacy boundaries.
Use this episode to review how you and your husband are communicating in your marriage. Good marriages last a long time nowadays and partners should continue to communicate closely to make sure that they are heading in the same direction.
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Who is Judy Piatkus?
Judy Piatkus achieved a diploma in psychodynamic psychotherapy and counselling and worked in an NHS surgery in Harley Street London, for 450 hours, as well as in her own private practice. Judy now works with a wide range of organisations and businesses as a leadership development coach, consultant and mentor. She is also in much demand as a speaker on the topics of entrepreneurship, future trends, angel investing and building a great business.