Why being Selfish is Healthy for You

By Srishti Kapoor

Karolina is the founder of Selfish Darling, a platform that motivates women to be selfish and self-loving. Women tend to spend most of their life taking care of others rather than themselves. Karolina started Selfish Darling after years of struggle with hormonal issues that were affecting her mental health. Soon Karolina noticed there was a need for a female support network that educates women about mental health and struggles that most women go through. This gave birth to Selfish Darling. The Selfish Darling Gratitude Journal gives you tools, exercises, and practices you can use for self-care and growth.

You are the founder of Selfish Darling. What inspired and motivated you to found this business? 

A couple of years ago I went through a tough time in life. I felt stuck in a rat race that I suddenly couldn’t control anymore. I was down and my life didn’t make any sense, so I decided to pull the plug, quit my job, and booked a one-way ticket to Bali. In Bali, I came across gratitude for the first time and realised how much I actually have in life to be thankful for. Often when we go through struggles, we tend to only focus on things that we don’t have in life. But with gratitude, you really change your focus and train your brain to appreciate everything that you already have. This was a life-changing experience for me, as from there I created a Selfish Darling (www.selfishdarling.com), which has grown into a platform that focuses on helping women go through all various stages in life.

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What does mental health mean to you and how did you develop your passion for it?

Mental health is super important to me, but even more so is the realisation that your body and mind are connected. We often think that mental health is only related to our mind, but there’s so much that plays into that, which I’ve learned the hard way. As I mentioned before, I discovered gratitude in Bali, and after a few months I returned to London in a completely different mindset, feeling that I’d finally figured out my mental state, only to realise that my body wasn’t following. So it didn’t matter that my mindset was spot on because my body was still struggling. I suffered from hormonal imbalances, vitamin deficiencies, and thyroid issues. All of which had an impact on my mental health. This is why at Selfish Darling we’re focusing on the overall picture, ensuring women’s mental and physical health are both in focus.

Women are usually the ones doing everything for others and taking care of everyone else before themselves. How can we take a moment and focus on ourselves?

You’re so right. For some reason we always end up at the bottom of our own priority list! However, there are plenty of ways we women can prioritise and look after ourselves. You’ll find an array of suggestions on selfishdarling.com, where there’s daily articles on how to be a more selfish darling; but simple things like taking 10 minutes each day to practise gratitude, meditate, or enjoying a cup of tea on your own are easy to fit into everyday life. Alternatively, if you have more time, ensure that one day a week you give yourself a proper pampering, face mask, pedicure… the whole 9 yards. Or allocate time towards your hobby, take up painting, haberdashery, or writing.

We know life is full on and swishing by, but I promise you that you can find 10 minutes each day that’s just yours. Make sure you do because it’s important; more important than anything else.

Many women are affected by mental health issues. How can we overcome these struggles best?

Unfortunately there is no ‘one fix”. Each individual will have their own best solution, but for me, being quite a proactive person, I just had to make changes when I felt my mental health was going south. However making changes isn’t always as easy as it sounds. My goal with Selfish Darling is to help as many women as possible improve their mental and physical health, but if I can only help ease one woman’s journey then I would feel like I’d succeeded.

I think there are a few things we can do to overcome these struggles, such as reaching out and talking about it, preferably with someone that can relate. There’s nothing worse than struggling on your own. At Selfish Darling we’re all about building a community and helping each other through whatever struggles you’re facing, whether that’s by sharing our own experience, recommending a great professional, or just lending a hand.

What are some of the tips you give women to take care of their wellbeing?

My number one tip would have to be: Take the time to relax! In today’s fast-paced society we rarely take time to completely relax and tune out all the noise. We are constantly online and always available. Further, try to remove as many “musts” as you can. Often we create very long and challenging to do lists for ourselves and feel that we are tied up in things that might actually not be that important. Try to not constantly fill your calendar with things to do, and if this is difficult for you, plan in ME time where you only focus on your wellbeing. Have an “at home spa hour”, drink a cup of coffee on your own – not connected, online, or watching something. Finding and scheduling in ME time doesn’t have to be complicated. All it requires is commitment from you.