Why You’re Still Stuck (Even After Doing the Inner Work)
By Adel Houten
“I’ve done the work. Why am I still stuck?” It’s a question I hear all the time from women who’ve read the books, journaled their hearts out, and repeated all the affirmations… yet somehow, life still feels heavy. The same patterns keep circling. The same dramas. The same blocks. The answer isn’t that you’re doing it wrong. It’s that you’re human, and your nervous system is wired to keep you safe, not necessarily to make you happy. Let’s break it down.
The Brain’s Primary Job: Survival, Not Growth
Your brain evolved to detect and avoid threats. When we talk about the subconscious mind, we’re really talking about the part of your brain-body system that’s running over 95% of the show on autopilot… keeping your heart beating, your habits ticking over, and your emotions reactive to what it believes is ‘danger’.
The amygdala, often called the brain’s alarm system, constantly scans your environment and internal state for cues of safety or threat. If you experienced emotional trauma growing up—anything from neglect to chaos or criticism—your system may have learned that love = pain, visibility = danger, success = pressure.
So now, as an adult, when you move toward healing, expansion, or intimacy, your subconscious reads it as unsafe. That’s when the resistance kicks in. You self-sabotage, pull away, numb out, or get stuck in loops of overthinking.
These responses aren’t bad. They’re protective. Outdated, yes—but they were brilliant strategies for a younger version of you who was just trying to survive.
The Drama Loop: Safety in the Familiar
Many people unconsciously stay stuck in their emotional dramas because the chaos is known. There’s a strange comfort in the pain we’ve lived with for years. It might be exhausting, but it’s predictable. The nervous system prefers a predictable hell to an unpredictable heaven.
That’s why someone can say, “I want to change,” but keep attracting the same relationships, the same job stress, the same inner critic.
Until the body feels safe, the mind will keep looping.
Why Talk Alone Isn’t Enough
You can’t think your way out of trauma, because trauma isn’t stored in your logical brain—it’s stored in your body. In your fascia, your vagus nerve, your posture, and your tone of voice. That’s why practices like EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) are so powerful.
When you tap on acupressure points while bringing awareness to an emotional pattern, you send a calming signal to the amygdala and help regulate the nervous system in real time. It creates new neural pathways of safety.
In simple terms, you’re telling your body: “This is different now. We’re safe. It’s okay to let go.”
Try This: A Safety Rewire Tapping Round
If you’re ready to step out of survival and into freedom, try this tapping sequence:
Set the Intention:
“Even though a part of me is scared to change, I choose to feel safe in my growth.”
Then tap through the points:
Eyebrow:
This old pattern feels safe…
Side of Eye:
Because I’ve lived with it for so long…
Under Eye:
But it’s also exhausting…
Under Nose:
And I know there’s more for me…
Chin:
I honour the part of me that’s been protecting me…
Collarbone:
And I’m ready to gently teach my body a new way…
Under Arm:
It’s safe to grow now…
Top of Head:
And I can let it be easier than I thought.
Take a breath. Place your hand on your heart. Feel into your body. It’s not about forcing anything—it’s about inviting safety in, moment by moment.
Final Thoughts: You’re Not Broken, You’re Brilliant
The part of you that’s been stuck is also the part that’s been trying to keep you alive, loved, accepted. That’s not failure. That’s wisdom. But there comes a time when the tools that once protected you start to limit you, and that’s when it’s time to update the system.
Healing happens when your nervous system feels safe enough to release the past.
And that’s the work I love most—guiding women back to that safety, that wholeness, that freedom. One tap at a time.
Learn more at www.tapaway.app.
