Opening to Grief’s Love: Sherry Shoemaker’s Life-Changing Path from Heartache to Healing

Sherry Shoemaker, PhD, MTOM, RN, is an Intuitive Grief Coach who is a beacon of hope for those navigating the overwhelming depths of loss. With over 40 years of experience as an emergency/trauma nurse and acupuncturist, she has witnessed both natural and traumatic deaths, shaping her deep understanding of grief. However, her expertise was profoundly transformed by her devastating loss—the sudden, unexplained death of her vibrant 35-year-old daughter. In the aftermath, Sherry confronted the intense anguish of living without her daughter’s radiant presence. Through this deep pain, she discovered that by opening to grief’s love instead of resisting its agony, she could reconnect with her daughter’s eternal essence. This realisation catalysed her to live a life filled with peace, purpose, and reverence for love’s endless continuum. Now, as a grief coach, Sherry guides others in transmuting their waves of despair into steady streams of solace and renewed vitality. Under her compassionate care, clients transition from being hollowed by grief to embodying a deep, transformative sense of love and purpose.

Your experience as both an emergency nurse and acupuncturist spans four decades. How did these roles prepare you for the unique path of becoming an intuitive grief coach?

As a nurse in trauma and ER, I witnessed 100s if not 1000s of deaths, expected and unexpected.  Being with the families I discovered everyone is different and they were all at different stages of the Grief spectrum.  Over time, with experience, I was able to adjust my response in a way that could be comforting and helpful, rather than rigid with my expectations.  Incorporating my Oriental medicine concepts and philosophy only improved my approach, allowing the patient/client to give themselves grace and release the guilt, and anger sooner rather than later.

The loss of your daughter was a profound turning point in your life. How did that personal tragedy shape your approach to grief and healing for others?

The profound loss I felt was like no other in all my experience.  After being in the depths of desolation and “what ifs” for 8-10 weeks (yes, I can count the time), I realized I had a choice to make.  Stay where I was or use all the skills knowledge and compassion I used with others and CHOOSE to honour my daughter’s memory and legacy by living the best life I could.  She was in a state of bliss.  Why would she want less for me????

You speak about opening to grief’s love rather than resisting its anguish. Can you elaborate on how embracing grief in this way can lead to a deeper connection with the essence of our loved ones?

Jaime Anderson wrote Grief is love with no place to go.  That touched me deeply and resonated with my core belief, that love comes in many ways.  We have to be human and feeling anguish is part of that. Knowing that the anguish comes from love, we can focus on the love and open our hearts to ourselves.  Allowing ourselves to be loved, loving and joyous.  Our loved ones want the best for us, so let’s keep honouring them.

In your transformation journey, what practices or rituals helped you transition from overwhelming grief to peace and purpose?

Being in the NOW.  Noticing the beautiful colour of a flower or how fabulous my coffee tastes.  Getting out of the numbness that grieving can put you in.  Conscious breathing.  Many people do not breathe well.  They sigh a lot and that is the lung’s way of saying, I need more love and oxygen and Qi, according to Oriental Medicine.  Crying when I felt like it.  So many think that is a sign of “lingering” or “weakness”.  It is not finding/choosing 1 thing I love to do every day.   As time goes on there are more things that can be personal to the individual.

Many people feel lost and alone in their grief. What advice would you give to someone who feels completely consumed by the darkness of loss?

In the moment it is very hard to believe anyone else can understand your pain.  You have to know that isolation, medication are only bandaids.  There are many resources and with the internet, they are easy to find.  

You have to choose to honour your loved one and live life at the highest level possible.

How does your holistic approach, blending both traditional medicine and acupuncture, differ from more conventional methods of grief counselling?

My approach is individualized.  I have a structure that is fluid depending on the person and their needs at the time we connect.  Not just at the beginning, but throughout our coaching calls.

I coach and guide the person in front of me.  Many times a more conventional program is rigid in its structure.

Grief is often misunderstood in our culture. What misconceptions about grief have you encountered, and how do you help individuals reframe their understanding of loss?

In the puritanical Western culture, we do not talk about grief, we just act like it doesn’t exist.  

I believe that we must acknowledge and allow ourselves to feel.  There are so many examples of people I have seen, who did not do that and became very ill physically and mentally.  We are connected, mentally, spiritually, and physically.  One thing affects everything.  So acknowledgement, practices, love, and a sense of peace go a long way.

How do you incorporate intuition into your coaching process? 

The intuitive process is always part of what I do, the questions I ask, and the tone I take.  It is meeting the person where they are and knowing that we are moving forward together for their highest good.

Can you share any experiences where this intuitive guidance profoundly impacted a grieving client?  

We always think grieving must be solemn.  One time, during a coaching conversation on Zoom, I randomly picked up my glass of water and fumbled it, trying to catch it and started laughing, and the client started laughing.  This changed the tone of her side of the story and she was able to relax and be more present.  

Knowing when to allow a seemingly insignificant moment that changes the energy of the conversation in a positive vibration, that to me is impactful.

You’ve turned your deepest sorrow into a mission to help others. What has been the most rewarding part of guiding people through their grief journeys?

Seeing them turn to love instead of anguish.  Recognizing who they are and being connected to themselves and their feelings. Seeing them honour their loved ones with joy and bliss in their lives.

For those who feel stuck in their grief and unable to move forward, what are some first steps they can take to begin their healing process?

Ask yourself:  Is this where I want to be?

What do I choose for me?

Do I need help to figure this out?

Meditate on these questions

Observe opportunities 

Take action

Find the coach, go to the support group, or take a yoga, spinning class, or kickboxing class (whatever you enjoy). Go dancing, and listen to fun music.

There is so much.  PICK ONE THING UNTIL YOU CAN ADD ANOTHER.  

Have an awesome life.