The Change from Traditional to Modern Parenting: Building Emotional Connection in a New Era

by Nafisa Idrees

Special thanks to Renny Omotayo, founder of Flourish Circle, an organization that supports youth and adolescents to overcome their challenges in difficult circumstances. I am a full-time homemaker, the founder of two jewellery businesses, a mother to a 22-year-old daughter, and a migrant to the UK of 3.5 years. Early this week, I was invited to the Flourish Circle as a guest speaker. My message was on “How we can upgrade our parenting style to meet the needs and expectations of our young children.” A day prior to the event, I sat with my daughter to reflect on her experience during her teens. The insights we shared, combining her experiences and my perspective, form the heart of what I am sharing with you today. It is sad that despite juggling so hard with our careers and home to balance life, we sometimes find our children astray and wonder what we have missed as parents. I understand the constant balance required. But the reality is that parenting has now evolved, and it’s time we understand where and why we need to upgrade our parenting role.

Defining Traditional Parenting

To change the parenting style, we must first know what exactly traditional parenting is. Rooted in the foundational needs of Maslow’s hierarchy, the primary role of our parents was to provide the basics: food, clothing, shelter, education, and instilling cultural or religious values. Just a few years back, life was heavily manual. With more children and more adults (like grandparents) around, parents managed significant physical responsibilities, with mothers being busy all day with chores. Children often “grew themselves” by observing and participating in the physical world around them.

Navigating the Modern Transition

Today, the stress on parents has shifted from being primarily physical or financial to intensely emotional and mental. Changing legal regulations, financial needs, and tiring deadlines absorb so much of our time and energy. On top of that, our lifestyles have transformed dramatically.

Added to this, our kids are exposed to:

• The robust impact of social media
• Living in increasingly mixed, diverse societies
• The widespread experience of migration and settling in foreign countries
• Increased work stress on both parents and children

There are other forces that place immense pressure on our children, especially adolescents, including:

1. Body image pressure and online comparison
2. Questions about identity
3. Academic expectations
4. The invisible pressure to be perfect

Where family time used to centre around the TV and social gatherings, today connection is fragmented. Children now often inform parents of their plans rather than asking for permission, while we are under constant learning and adaptation. As immigrant families, we face an extra layer of challenges:

• Our children grow up juggling two cultures
• We lack the immediate, accessible support of close family and extended community
• We must adapt to new environments and mixed societies

The Core Need of Today’s Kids

In this noisy, fast, and often unpredictable world, what do our children truly need? It’s no longer just food or security—those are taken for granted. What they deeply crave is:

• Emotional support and validation
• Clarity of thought, direction, and decision-making skills
• Trust that they will not be judged
• Confidence to be their authentic selves
• Undivided time and attention (without phones, without rush)
• Someone who will genuinely listen, even if they are talking “complete bogus”
• Laughter and fun at home

The irony is that they often don’t open up about these needs. This is where communication becomes critical. Communication is not normal day-to-day chatter; it’s a profound, intentional conversation:

• Talk to them about your mistakes and failures
• Be funny together and apologise when you’re wrong
• Share your work and business ideas (they’ll eventually get intrigued)
• Eat together; this is supremely important for consistent connection

Our kids need loyal, honest, wise friends, not just traditional parents. The dynamic shifts around age 10–12 from “motherhood” to a growing “friendhood,” a partnership that requires more chilling, more planning, and more time together. Gone are the days we only encouraged them; now, we often need their encouragement to navigate technology and achieve our own dreams. We grow together, we learn from them, and they learn from us.

The Fundamentals of Modern Parenting

Modern parenting, at its core, is about connecting to each other’s inner noise and emotions rather than just providing for top-tier needs. It serves both ways, benefits both ways, and makes both sides feel stronger. To me, modern parenting is simply living by three principles:

1. Don’t postpone happiness—live in the moment, no matter how small or awkward.
2. Live between the gaps—our lives are full of noise and responsibility, but the real connection happens in the gaps: those small, unplanned moments of togetherness. A late-night chat, sharing work in the kitchen, a small movie or TV time after dinner, making fun of uncles, aunties, or your own mess-ups. These moments may seem ordinary, but they shape how our children remember home.
3. Don’t wait for them to come to you first. Share your problems and circumstances; they will talk about theirs. Kids today are more mature than we were at their age, and they are our best friends.

An Alert for Every Mother

I want to briefly address a sensitive issue, especially for parents of young daughters. No matter how busy you are, you must ensure you talk to them about how to handle molestation, emotional blackmail, or inappropriate touch. While schools provide education, girls often won’t disclose these incidents to parents unless the rapport is strong. Be vigilant for subtle signs: sudden quietness, being lost, shying away, over-aggressiveness, or poor grades. Remember, inappropriate behaviour is not always from outsiders—it can unfortunately come from close family members, friends, or neighbours. Please be alert and trust your instincts on this matter.

The Essence of Modern Parenting

To me, the difference is simple:
Traditional parenting was about providing.
Modern parenting is about connecting.

Because in the end, the greatest gift we can give our children is not perfection, it’s presence.