Lead with Love, Not Burnout: How Self-Love Builds Sustainable Success
By Carelle Herrera
You’ve mastered strength. But have you mastered softness? For many women, success often comes at the cost of self-abandonment. You give to everyone: teams, clients, family, but forget to give the one thing that sustains it all: love to yourself. Not the self-care kind you schedule only after you’ve “earned it,” but the kind that lets you say, “I matter, even if no one sees it.” This kind of self-love rewires the nervous system so you stop running on emotional fumes. Self-love is not indulgence. It’s structure. Stability. Self-leadership. Without it, strength turns into strain; this is not about being softer in your goals but about being stronger in your relationship with yourself so the power you give to others does not come at the cost of your own wholeness.
When success comes at a cost
There’s a problem with defining success only by wealth and power: when you build your life and work on two legs, you’re sitting on an unstable stool. Arianna Huffington’s collapse from exhaustion after founding The Huffington Post became a wake-up call that true success requires a third pillar—well-being. In my work with women in international organizations and leadership roles I see brilliant, capable women doing extraordinary things while running on empty. Self-criticism hides behind high standards, overgiving hides behind professionalism, and perfectionism hides behind ambition. When your nervous system runs on fear, leadership becomes reactive: you micromanage, lose focus, and can’t rest because you don’t feel safe letting go. You can’t lead well if you’re disconnected from yourself; self-love is the practice that keeps strength sustainable and says, “I am worthy of grace, not just grit.”
The self-love pivot and its power
I learned self-love when I learned to value and respect myself. I used to place my worth in others’ attention and validation and had no standards for how I allowed myself to be treated. A mentor asked me to rate myself across life roles and to prioritize being a whole human; he challenged me to be a “10” as a person. At first, that felt impossible, but when I began to set standards, investing in my health, learning, and boundaries, my life changed. What I later recognised was that my relationships were not the root problem; my relationship with myself was. Raising how I saw myself shifted everything: my energy, my choices, and the quality of love I received. Self-love also rewires the brain and nervous system. It activates emotional-regulation pathways, improves recovery from stress, and trains the body to feel safe under pressure. In NLP we say what you rehearse becomes what you run. Rehearse compassion and you lead with power; rehearse criticism and you lead with tension. Self-love does not lower standards; it creates the emotional safety that allows sustained rising without burnout.
One practice to reclaim your energy
If you’ve been running fast and feeling like it’s never enough, begin with one simple daily reset: the Mirror Talk. Look in the mirror, say “I’m listening,” ask “What do you need from me today?” and give yourself at least one small thing: permission to rest, a boundary, or a pep talk. Alongside this immediate practice, bring three shifts into how you organise your life: focus your energy on your true circle of control and let go of what isn’t yours to carry; treat rest as a strategy rather than a reward by building recovery time into your schedule; and reconnect regularly with your purpose so your actions align with what matters. These are not luxuries but lifelines; for you, your team, and your business. When you love yourself in practice, you stop needing external proof, you build inner safety, and you protect your power. The strongest women are not those who give everything away; they are those who keep something for themselves.
