How Talking to Strangers Healed Caryn Portnoy’s Heart
After her divorce, Caryn Portnoy found herself isolated, shunned, and craving connection. But instead of retreating further, she discovered an unexpected path to healing—through the simplest of human interactions: talking to strangers. What started as instinctive, almost unconscious conversations in supermarkets, banks, and on the street, became a lifeline. Each two-minute exchange—a smile, a shared joke, or a fleeting story—brought laughter, comfort, and a sense of belonging she hadn’t felt in years.
In this story, Caryn shares how these small, everyday connections transformed her hardest days, taught her the power of empathy, and reshaped the way she shows up in the world. It’s a reminder that even the briefest moments with strangers can leave a lasting mark on our hearts.
“In my loneliest moments, a two-minute smile from a stranger reminded me I still belonged.”
What was the moment you realized you needed to start talking to strangers?
It was an unconscious and non-deliberate act that I would randomly, but instinctively just start talking to strangers. There wasn’t a specific moment, per se, but I was craving connection with people as a result of being ostracized & shunned from my divorce. Yet, not consciously aware of it at the time.
How did those small two-minute interactions change how you were feeling during your hardest time?
It doesn’t take long to connect with people. You lock eyes. Exchange a smile. Bond about something innocuous. So I would go into a situation down & sad, and before I knew it, I was smiling, laughing or saying something witty.
Was there one person or conversation that really stuck with you?
By nature, I consider myself a funny & witty person. I remember being at a supermarket one day, needing to get something off the top shelf. At 5’ 2”, I’ve done my fair share of trying to climb shelves to get something down, always unsuccessfully! I saw a couple nearby. The man was super tall. The perfect candidate! I politely said to him, “Excuse me. Can I please borrow your height to get something off the top shelf?” The way he looked at me, part pity & part sarcasm at how short I was, was enough for him, me & his wife to break out in a big laugh. I could’ve been there all day, waiting for the perfect opportunity with someone else. But fate stepped in, so I could step out with my items. And the best part was how we all shared a laugh that made us all feel bonded! That was a great moment of connection & it really helped fill my proverbial tank back up.
What did you learn about yourself through connecting with people you’d never met before?
I learned that we are more alike than we are different. Universal grievances, if you will. Everyone gets frustrated when the line at the bank is long & there are no tellers. Or annoyed at being inconvenienced at the airport when your gate gets changed. Or when the receipt doesn’t come out at the gas pump & it’s 24 degrees outside. I just acknowledge it all, where we could all be in on it together. In unity, it doesn’t seem as odd. And that moment of connection through a shared experience is incredibly bonding to all.
Why do you think so many of us feel disconnected, even when we’re surrounded by people?
It’s become a societal norm. Technology, the internet, phones, dating apps, TikTok & other social media platforms, working from home & Zoom calls. Nothing about these methods of connection actually have the ability to connect us at all! There is no substitute for in-person, face-to-face, shaking hands & exchanging smiles, telling a quick story on the fly before a meeting, kind of experience. How do you know the impact? See if you can replicate that over Zoom. Or by text message. Not likely at all.
What would you say to someone who feels lonely or unsure how to reach out?
I would say to seek out people who feel comfortable to you, someone who looks like you. Someone who makes you say to yourself, “I bet we would be friends if we met under different circumstances.” As they get more comfortable to you, step outside your comfort zone & look for people who don’t look like you.
“A simple ‘hello’ can soften a day and remind someone they’re not invisible.”
Why do you believe a simple “hello” can make such a big difference?
Saying “hello” to someone gives them permission & welcomes them to say it back. It’s a word that can stand alone or set a boundary all by itself. It’s also the ice breaker that allows people to initiate some kind of exchange. Either way, it’s no harm, no foul. Nobody loses either way!
How has this journey shaped the way you show up in your life now?
Talking to strangers has helped me feel more at ease in my own life. I have a great sense of timing, reading a room, feeling different energies, & following my intuition. It has been a very empowering practice for me that has become second nature now.
What changes do you notice when people start connecting more, even in small ways?
I notice how quickly people relax into a smile when I approach them. I remember being on the check out line at a supermarket one day. I asked the woman in front of me how she liked the pasta sauce she was waiting to pay for. She immediately smiled & went on describing what she liked about it, what she uses it for, and more. She went on to tell me a story about her mom & sister-in-law, involving the same pasta sauce! You never know where people will go in a connection with a stranger!
If you could encourage everyone listening to do just one thing today to feel more connected, what would it be?
Look people in the eye as you pass them or standing next to them in line somewhere. Then start smiling & say, “hello” first. Even if they don’t look back or say it back, keep it going. Someone will say it back, eventually. And might even surprise you with a “have a great day!” As you get more comfortable & confident, people will be more willing to engage with you. Make a game or a challenge out of it for yourself. It can be fun & even entertaining! Sometimes you’ll go home & say to a loved one, “listen to this” as you share how an exchange went. You tell others. And then they’ll try it too. And then there’s the ripple effect of impacting others, far & wide. And that’s how we can change the world!
