Emotional Dependency: When a Woman Erases Herself for Love
By Ana Cristina Eriksson
Many women grow up hearing that they need to be strong, take care of others, and give endlessly. However, when lived to an extreme, this model can create space for something silent and painful: emotional dependency.
When Loving Becomes Erasing Yourself
A woman in emotional dependency always puts the other first — whether it’s her partner, children, or even her family of origin. She believes her worth lies in serving, pleasing, and never disappointing. Gradually, she starts giving up her own dreams, desires, and even her identity.
She keeps quiet to avoid conflict, accepts situations that hurt her, and convinces herself that she cannot live without the presence or approval of the other person. It’s as if her life only has meaning through someone else’s eyes.
“For many years, I lived this way. I completely erased myself so I wouldn’t lose the love and approval of those around me. I put my dreams aside, silenced my voice, and even accepted pain I didn’t deserve, just so I wouldn’t be alone. I believed that without the other, I had no worth. But at 50, I turned the corner: I realized I could no longer live trapped in this emotional dependency. I decided to put myself first and reclaim my life.”
This story shows that it’s never too late to change. Many women only find the courage to break this cycle after decades of silence and overgiving.
The Warning Signs
- You apologize for everything, even when you’re not at fault.
- You’re afraid to make decisions alone.
- You feel anxious just imagining rejection or abandonment.
- You dedicate yourself to caring for others but forget about yourself.
- You feel guilty when thinking about putting your own desires first.
The Consequences of Living Erased
Living this way comes at a high cost. Self-esteem becomes fragile, emotional health suffers, and even the body feels it through insomnia, fatigue, and pain. A woman who erases herself begins to believe she is undeserving, powerless to change, and often remains in toxic or abusive relationships.
Reclaiming Your Own Voice
And about the doubt so many women carry: emotional dependency makes us rationalize disrespect, think that maybe it’s our fault, and believe we could have “accepted” certain things to avoid losing connection. But in reality, not accepting such behavior is a sign of freedom and healing.
You deserve partners — personal or professional — who treat you with respect, value your dedication, and want to grow alongside you, not people who diminish you.
Breaking free from emotional dependency doesn’t mean stopping love — it means learning to love yourself as well. The first step is recognizing this pattern and having the courage to place yourself back at the center of your own life.
- Acknowledge your worth: You are whole on your own.
- Reclaim your identity: What do you like, dream, and desire beyond others?
- Take care of yourself: Your body, mind, and heart deserve attention.
- Seek support: Therapy, support groups, or conversations with other women can open paths to liberation.
You Are Not Selfish, You Are Free
Many women fear being called selfish when they start prioritizing themselves. But the truth is, loving yourself is an act of courage. A woman who respects herself, cares for herself, and puts herself first inspires others to do the same.
Being free from emotional dependency is reclaiming your voice, your light, and your power over your own life — at any age.
