The Mindset Shift That Changes Everything

(Part 1 of the ‘Life Begins at 40 – Reinvention Series’)

We all know that women are less likely than men to shout about their achievements or confidently sell their skills in the workplace. But what’s even more concerning is that as women step into their 40s and beyond, their confidence doesn’t increase with age or experience, in many cases, it actually declines.

That might come as a surprise. But the data backs it up.

A study by Bain & Company of over 1,000 professionals in the U.S. found that while 27% of women started their careers believing they could make it to the C-suite, that confidence halved just a few years in. By senior level, far fewer women compared to men saw themselves as leadership material. And this wasn’t because they weren’t capable, it was because the belief in their own potential had quietly faded.

Why confidence drops in your 40s

For many women, their 40s are a perfect storm of challenges. Career progression stalls—sometimes entirely. They may have taken career breaks to raise children or care for family. Menopause introduces brain fog, anxiety, and sleep disruption that directly affect performance and self-trust. And in many cultures, ambition in women is still questioned—or punished.

I remember what that felt like. As the only girl in a Nigerian household with two brothers, I was labelled “the boy” of the family sometimes because I was driven. From a young age, I had goals and vision. But the subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) message I received was that that kind of ambition wasn’t entirely appropriate for a girl. It was tolerated, but not always celebrated.

So, like many women, I internalised the idea that my dreams needed to be filtered and softened when I was around certain people. And by the time I reached my 40s, those internalised stories began to collide with my desire for more.

The stories we tell ourselves

At this stage in life, we start to ask ourselves difficult questions:
“What if I fail?”
“What if I’m not enough?”
“What if it’s too late?”
“What if I’m not qualified enough to be CEO?”

The list is endless. And I know you probably have your own ‘what ifs’ too.

But even more insidious than the ‘what ifs’ are the statements that come after them—the ones we say with such certainty, we don’t even question them anymore:
“I can’t go back to school now.”
“I can’t switch careers at this age.”
“I can’t afford to take a risk.”

These declarations don’t just plant seeds of doubt, they shut down possibility altogether. They slam the door shut with a full stop.

And then we begin looking for validation for why we’re right to feel this way. We see someone else try and fail and say, “See? That’s why I never bothered.” Or we tell ourselves, “I knew it wouldn’t work anyway.”

I’ve been there.

The power of one question

When I first considered doing an Executive MBA, I was excited… until I looked at the details. The time commitment. The workload. The cost. I had two young children, a demanding full-time job, and no obvious way to make it all work.

My brain immediately said, “This is too much.”
Then: “I can’t afford this.”
And just like that, I shut the idea down.

For a whole month, I shelved the thought. But something inside me wouldn’t let it go. There was a quiet, persistent tug that said, This matters. Don’t let it go so easily.

So instead of repeating “I can’t,” I asked myself one question:
“What if I can?”

That one shift changed everything.

By reframing my thinking from a closed statement to an open question, I gave my brain permission to explore, instead of retreat. Suddenly, it wasn’t about whether I could—it was about how I might.

Possibility begins with curiosity

I began looking for options. Could I get help with childcare? Could I explore employer support? Could I take a different approach to how I structured my time?

The answers started coming one by one. My parents agreed to support me financially. My employer helped with flexibility. My mother, partner, and in-laws were instrumental for childcare support during the times I travelled for the program. I created my own system for managing full-time work, study, and motherhood.

None of this happened overnight, and it wasn’t easy but the minute I stopped closing the door, new ones began to open.

A shift that changes everything

Here’s what I’ve learned: the quality of your answers is directly related to the quality of your questions.
When you say, “I can’t,” your brain shuts down.
When you ask, “What if I can?” your brain lights up with possibilities.

That one question led me to complete my Global Executive MBA.
It led me to write and self-publish my first book, The Lies We Tell Ourselves.
It led me to launch my business, EMAP (Executive MBA Admissions Playbook), where I now help other mid-career professionals get into top business schools.
It led me to speak on stages, share my story, and show up even when it felt uncomfortable.

But most importantly, it led me to remember who I’ve always been: driven, ambitious, and capable, on my terms.

So if you’re reading this and thinking:
“I’m not qualified to take over the family business.”
“I’m not smart enough to go back to school.”
“I’m too far behind to pivot.”

Pause.
Take a breath.
And ask yourself a better question:
“What if I can?”

This article is the first in the Life Begins at 40: Reinvention Series, a space where we explore what’s possible when women stop waiting for permission and start asking bigger, bolder questions.

Because your next chapter doesn’t start with certainty.
It starts with curiosity.

The shift isn’t about your circumstances.
It’s about your mindset.
And the right question can change everything.