The Joy Code: How to Become the Star of Your Own Life

By Natalia Jansen, MFA

Imagine your life as a stage. The lights are up. The audience is waiting. The question is, are you center stage, fully alive in your starring role?  Or are you lingering in the wings, waiting for permission to shine?

For too many women, joy has become a performance we rehearse for someday, rather than a feeling we allow right now. We’re told to chase it, earn it, hustle for it. But the truth is: joy is your most natural state.

You weren’t born to struggle through life on autopilot. You were born to create, to feel, to express, to play. Joy is not a luxury, it’s your guiding signal, your connection to the deepest part of you. It’s also the power source behind everything good and true you want to create.

Why Do So Many Women Settle for the Supporting Role?

Let’s get honest: women have been taught to prioritize everyone else’s needs over their own. To be the peacemakers, the caregivers, the responsible ones. Even when we achieve “success,” we often do it through exhaustion, self-sacrifice, or staying safely in the background.

We settle for roles we didn’t choose, because somewhere along the way, we were convinced that shrinking was noble and joy was selfish.

But being the star of your life doesn’t mean you need to be loud, flashy, or constantly chasing accolades. It means you’re consciously choosing your role, not inheriting one from outdated scripts. It means your life reflects your desires, not only your responsibilities.

Joy Isn’t a Reward. It’s the Starting Point.

We’ve been conditioned to believe joy is something we earn:
“When I lose the weight…”
“When I get the job…”
“When my family is okay…”

But joy is not a reward at the end of a struggle. It’s the foundation. It’s the frequency of your truest self; the part of you that remembers what it’s like to dance in the living room, laugh without explanation, or feel inspired or simply happy for no reason.

When you act from joy, not fear, stress, or scarcity, your decisions become more aligned, more intuitive, and exponentially more effective. You stop pushing against life and begin to flow with it.

The Turning Point: From Resistance to Flow

I remember the moment I realized I was paddling upstream in my own life. I was doing all the “right” things: working, mothering, giving, but inside, I was exhausted, disconnected, and creatively flat.

What changed? I stopped resisting what felt good.

I gave myself permission to follow the little sparks: a walk in the sun, journaling in the morning, spontaneous laughter with my daughters, and playful improv exercises with clients. I started listening to what lit me up, and I followed that light.

It didn’t lead me away from responsibility. It led me deeper into alignment with who I truly am and the work I am meant to do.

This journey led to one of the greatest honors of my life: on May 4th, 2025, I stood on the international TEDx stage at TEDx Fiesole in Florence, sharing a message I live and breathe: “The Joy Code: Unlocking Daily Happiness Through Small Shifts.”

That moment was a dream come true, not because of the spotlight, but because I got to speak to something so universal and necessary: the power of joy. That message inspired this article. I know joy isn’t just an idea, it’s a way of life. And I envision a life overflowing with joy and fun for you, too.

I teach others to make this shift, not through rigid rules, but through playful strategies and embodied awareness, because life is a stage, and you get to rewrite the script anytime. 

3 Joy Code Shifts to Step Into Your Starring Role

·   1. Shift from Autopilot to Awareness
Start by noticing when you’re reacting out of habit. Are you saying “yes” because you want to, or because you feel you have to? Awareness is your spotlight; it reveals where you’ve been hiding and invites you forward.

·   2. Follow the Fun, Not the Fear

What brings you that light, expansive, childlike feeling? That’s your life force speaking. Whether it’s dancing in your kitchen, creating something with your hands, or starting that passion project, fun is feedback. Follow it.

·   3. Choose the Role, Not the Result

Instead of obsessing over outcomes, ask: Who do I want to BE in this scene of my life? The confident speaker? The nurturing healer? The bold creator? Once you choose the role, let go of how it should look. Trust that joy knows the way.

The Final Act: Joy Is the Flow of Life

Joy is not just a nice feeling, it’s a compass. When you align with it, you align with the natural rhythm of life. You stop fighting the current and instead allow it to carry you toward something even better than you imagined.

As Rumi so eloquently said, “When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.”

This isn’t just poetic, it’s practical. In my coaching and workshops, we use theatre-inspired tools like movement, voice, and role-play to shift energy from thinking to experiencing. Transformation isn’t just a mental exercise. It’s a whole-body rehearsal for the life you want to live. We practice unleashing confidence, creativity, and cultivating joy, not someday, but right now.

As Gabrielle Roth said, “The fastest way to still the mind is to move the body.” Joy becomes real when it’s not just a concept, but something you feel in your chest, in your breath, in your smile.

And when you follow your joy, you’re not being irresponsible, you’re being intuitive. Because, as Joseph Campbell reminds us, “Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls.”

You don’t need to wait. You don’t need to be ready. You don’t need to have all the answers.

You just need to begin with one choice, one joyful step, one decision to stop playing the role you’ve outgrown and start creating the life that’s been waiting for you.

Because you are not here to survive.
You are here to thrive.

About Natalia Jansen

Natalia Jansen, MFA, is a Theatre-Inspired Transformation Coach and founder of ACT Life Consulting and StarringInYourLife.com. She is a certified DreamBuilder® Coach and Life Mastery Consultant, passionate about helping women reclaim joy, rewrite their inner scripts, and unleash their confidence, creativity, and capacity for joy and fun—on and off the stage of life.

With over 20 years of experience as a theatre director, educator, and speaker, Natalia blends embodied practices, playful tools, and spiritual principles to guide her clients into conscious creation and aligned living. She holds a Master of Fine Arts in Theatre Directing from UCLA and is currently pursuing a PhD in Educational Leadership.

Connect with Natalia at www.starringinyourlife.com