It’s Not 50/50—It’s 100/100:Work-Life Balance, Motherhood, and the Mental Load We Don’t Talk About Enough

By Lindsay O’Neill

We just celebrated Mother’s Day.

In my house, it was… pretty much like any other day. Not because we don’t celebrate moms—we do. But because the support I get isn’t reserved for a Hallmark holiday. My partner and I don’t operate on a 50/50 split. It’s 100/100. We both put in everything we’ve got, every day. Even the kids pitch in. Cleaning the kitchen. Walking the dogs. Folding laundry. They’re part of the system too.

Because let’s be real—if the household load rests on just one set of shoulders, that person eventually collapses. And when mom collapses, the whole damn thing does.

Working moms don’t just work. We run things. We lead businesses, manage teams, cook dinners, answer midnight texts, schedule dentist appointments, and somehow hold emotional space for everyone while trying not to lose ourselves in the process.

That’s the part people don’t talk about enough. Not just the logistics—but the mental load. The invisible labor of remembering everything, tracking everyone’s needs, and always being available. That load is exhausting. And when it goes unacknowledged, it leads to burnout, resentment, and eventually, breakdowns—emotional, physical, or both.

So no, asking for help isn’t weakness. It’s wisdom. Boundaries aren’t selfish. They’re essential.

When I’m good, our household runs better. When I’m centered, calm, and rested, the energy shifts. My family feels it. My employees feel it. The whole ecosystem lifts. That’s not luxury. That’s leadership.

And speaking of leadership—there’s a book I always come back to called Radical Candor. The whole premise? Care deeply. Challenge directly. Say what needs to be said, from a place of truth and love.

That applies at home as much as it does in business. Especially when you’re the boss.

Because if you’re constantly swallowing your needs, pushing through the exhaustion, or pretending you’re fine when you’re not—eventually that energy leaks out sideways. It turns into eye rolls. Sarcasm. Silent resentment. Passive-aggressive comments that don’t create connection—they create distance.

Radical candor at home sounds like:
“I love you. But I need you to carry more.”
“I’m tapped out right now. Can we revisit this later?”
“I can’t keep running on empty and be who I want to be for this family.”

The point isn’t perfection. The point is presence. It’s truth. It’s building a home (and a life) where we don’t have to pretend we’re okay just to keep things running.

And here’s what I’ve learned after years of doing this the hard way—managing your mental load is one of the most important biohacks to optimize your health. Full stop. If your mind and nervous system are constantly maxed out, no supplement, smoothie, or sauna will save you.

So this year, maybe Mother’s Day isn’t just a brunch and a card. Maybe it’s a reset. A reminder. That your well-being isn’t optional. It’s the hinge that swings the whole damn door.

Take care of you. Speak up. Ask for help. Set the tone. And let the people around you rise to meet you there.

Because when we stop trying to “do it all” and start sharing the load, something amazing happens:

We don’t just survive.
We thrive.
And so does everyone around us.

For more real talk on biohacking, small hinge tips and interviews with some amazing women like you, visit wellnesseternal.com (Optimize WE podcast) and www.smallhinges.health