The Cost of Losing Empathy – How to Regain It
Empathy is the ability to recognise other people’s feelings, needs and concerns. It is part of our social competence and determines how well we can organise relationships, both privately and professionally. But what happens if we neglect this skill or if it is only weakly developed?
An unusual habit and its benefits
I have a peculiar habit: I regularly watch the TV programme “Aktenzeichen XY… ungelöst” (similar to Crimewatch). As a psychologist and executive coach, you might think that true crime is the last thing I need to watch. The programme broadens my horizons.
My childhood experience was characterised by trust, looking out for each other. When I was fourteen, I decided to consciously understand why some people act so differently toward me after an attack by a young man. XY helps me to take off my blinkers, reduce my naivety and understand connections that would otherwise remain hidden from me. In short, I actively train my empathy.
When empathy is lacking
Empathy deficits have consequences:
• Misunderstandings and conflicts: without empathic feeling, we interpret statements prematurely, escalate debates and jeopardise relationships.
• Drop in performance in teams: Empathy increases creativity, commitment and employee engagement. If this attitude is lacking, performance drops.
• Polarisation and social coldness: The coarsening of language is increasing in the public sphere. People who disagree are stigmatised as wrong or ridiculous, subtly through ignoring or apparent humour, openly through bullying and hate speech.
The price? Lost potential, mental strain and a society in which trust is dwindling.
Empathy can be learnt and trained
The good news is that empathy is not an innate, static skill. It can be trained, like a muscle that strengthens through regular exercise. In my coaching sessions, I experience clients who come with a high level of suffering. Only when I really stand in their shoes, I understand their pain point and can unlock their potential with targeted impulses and techniques.
The same principle applies in every relationship: remaining calm, listening, reflecting and asking questions. However, the prerequisite for this personal development is always recognising the problem. If a person does not feel the social coldness as suffering, then there is almost no chance of trying to change it.
Stress and the digital constant fire as a fire accelerator
Information overload, multitasking and complex problems increase stress levels. Added to this is the constant comparison in social media: likes, followers and reach awaken a strong need for external recognition. Those who are constantly fixated on external validation have less capacity to tune into themselves or others. We lose sight of our feelings, values and boundaries. As a result, we react impulsively, make hasty judgements and hurt others without realising it.
Self-worth instead of self-expression
Paradoxically, the way out begins with ourselves. As soon as we stop deriving value exclusively from external approval, space is created for genuine encounters. The prerequisite is recognising the problem: those who do not feel their emotional limitations as a burden have no incentive to change. But when the desire comes from within, we take responsibility for our thoughts, words and actions and open the door to stronger relationships.
The first step: self-awareness
I like to recommend observing yourself, and as I emphasise in my webinar “Breaking the Stalemate – 4 Keys to Conflict Resolution”, even accusations can be worth their weight in gold for self-efficacy. Because if I listen to what others accuse me of and reflect on what I accuse my fellow human beings of, then I know where my learning potential lies. Help is available. But first, I must recognise that I need it.
Conclusion: empathy as a future skill
In a rapidly changing world, technical skills are important, but without empathy, we will not realise good ideas and lose people along the way. Empathy reduces the cost of conflict and promotes sustainable growth. It is the foundation of collaboration and innovation. The question is not: Can I afford empathy? But rather: Can I afford to do without it? Develop empathy and shape the future actively.
Emotional intelligence brings you better results
